yerse.co.uk

August 26, 2008

And That’s The Truth - A Ben Wissett Joint

Unfilmed short film script -

And That’s The Truth

A Ben Wisset joint

Int. A Smart office

Steve

I can’t believe I’ve been here five hours and not done one bit of work, god, if I don’t get this done SOON im going to be in a LOT of trouble…………………why would I say such a thing out loud

[Enter Dave]

Dave

Steve!!

Steve

What??

Dave

Dude I’ve just dipped my balls in the water cooler

Steve

Why would you do that?

Dave

Why would YOU do that?

Steve

Look you’re being childish already

Dave

I’ll fucking twat you in a minute

Steve

Look, I’ve got work to do, can this wait?

Dave

No

Steve

Oh, ok

[Scene 2 – the canteen]

Dave

Right, you know the camp guy I live with?

Steve

Yea?

Dave

Right, well he sneezed with his eyes open last night and reversed time, now I;ve got this wormhole in my apartment

Steve

Ahh shit, where does it lead to?

Dave

I forget, bizarro world?

Steve

Nah no such place mate, you mean opposite world

Dave

Yes!!

Steve

Shit I’ve just grown an afro

Dave

Shit, then the effects of this world are CREEPING UP ON US SLOWLY

Steve

No they’re not

Dave

….

Steve

DAMN THAT OPPOSITE WORLD

Dave

Where’s your afro

Steve

NO!! WE MUST STOP IT

[scene 3 – Dave’s apartments]

Dave

I bet he’s eaten all the corned beef, corned beef corned beef that’s all he wants, pity he doesn’t want a KICK IN THE ARSE because I know where he’d RUDDY WELL GET ONE

[Mr. Grimbles enters shot]

Mr. Grimbles

Oi, Dave, I wanna woooooooord with you

Dave

What?

Mr. Grimbles

You owe me eight weeks rent

Dave

No I don’t

[Dave shoots Mr. Grimbles]

Dave

Right here we are

[opens door]

Dave

DAMN IT ALL!!

Steve

Oh my god!!

Dave

THERE ARE BALD WOMEN IN MY APARTMENT, BALD WOMEN??!?!

Steve

AND YOU OWE ME EIGHT QUID

Dave

AND I OWE YOU EIGHT QUID

Dave

I have had it with opposite world I am going in. Nude.

[Steve is wearing a duct tape moustache]

Steve

JAH REPRESENT

[Both jump into opposite world]

[Scene 4 – opposite world]

Dave

It’s my worst nightmare, all the women, they are bald

Steve

Their strength in a wind tunnel is far superior to ours

Dave

Ahh the wind tunnels, I’ll tell you about wind tunnels, this is how they make their money, they shave themselves bald and wind tunnel it up until the sun rises and THEN THEY KEEP GOING

[cuts to Dave and Steve in betting office]

Dave

Come ooooon 3:15 at haydock

Steve

Err mate, what about that opposite world business

Dave

What? What are you on about you horrid man??

Steve

The bald women? The worm hole?

Dave

You’re babbling again, are you trying to steal my hot tip for this race so you can TAKE my money AGAIN and steal my girlfriend AGAIN by impressing her with a flash new blender or summat??

Steve

No, Dave, we went to your apart-

Dave

You want to tear me APART??

Steve

You’re deliberately mishearing me now

Dave

Police!! Help!!